Forget the government, why can't Trump shut this thing down?
Medics! Lorde just had a stroke! Oh, wait, never mind . . . she's just rehearsing.
What's worse: Taylor Swift ripping off Beyoncé's video? Or Katy Perry ripping off Justin Bieber's hair?
Gosh, Miley, I didn't even recognize you with clothes on!
Uh-oh. Warren Beatty is announcing Video of the Year.
Do I think you're sexy, Rod Stewart? Hold on, let me check if it's 1978.
Katy Perry has five more minutes to shoot either sparks or a desert topping from her boobs or we're out of here!
I just learned that DJ Khaled even yells his own name before he has a bowel movement.
YOU'RE Twenty One Pilots? I thought there would be more of you.
And now a moment of silence for flood victims in Texas. Okay, that's enough. Now, time for simulated sex and obscenity!!
Why can't Lorde give The Weeknd her unnecessary "e"?
I'm sorry, Bruno . . . you must be THIS TALL to get into my after-party.
We're so glad you're here, Thirty Seconds to Mars. Nickelback couldn't make it, so we needed a band to draw in the d-bag audience.
I apologize, Miley. I saw a giant inflatable penis covered in glitter and just automatically assumed it was yours.
The members of Fifth Harmony sound like they're still looking for that "fifth brain cell."
Oh no, there's an old lady wandering around aimlessly backstage! Oh wait, never mind. It's just Rod Stewart.