In honor of this being Constitution Week, here are The Top Things You Probably Didn't Know About the Constitution.
It guarantees every American the right to one free order of breadsticks per visit to Pizza Hut.
Even though it's over 200 years old, it's still on display in Washington D.C. Like Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
Ben Franklin named it that, just because he wanted it to have a dirty, three-letter word in it.
It uses the word "amazeballs" 14 times.
Its first three words are "We the People." Its next five are "Think England can suck it!"
The first person to sign it was Brian Williams. (*This fact provided by Brian Williams.)
Some people think it's just a piece of paper with the word "guns" written on it 4,543 times.
It starts with the phrase "Ya'll ready for this?"
It does not guarantee the right to party. Which is why you've got to fight for your right to party.
It is the oldest active constitution in the world, which means it's the only constitution that doesn't include emojis.
It guarantees you the right to free speech and free expression, but NOT a free credit score.
Privacy is not mentioned in the Constitution. Or in Facebook's terms of usage.
Four of its signers were born in Ireland. And they celebrated the importance of the document by drunkenly puking all over it.
Unlike your mother when I'm on top of her, it doesn't mention God at all.
When Alexander Hamilton was calling for the ratification of it, he dreamed that his legacy would one day be commemorated with an insanely overhyped hip-hop musical.
Jefferson did not sign the Constitution because he was in France . . . vacationing with his wife Weezy.