The Top Excuses for Not Working Out

You really want to get in shape, but something always prevents you from getting it done.  Here are The Top Excuses for Not Working Out.  

Your fetish is getting sand kicked in your face. 

You double-majored in art history and philosophy.  Sorry.  That's a top excuse for not WORKING. 

You're trying to maintain the perfect height-to-weight ratio for your manatee Halloween costume. 

Your idea of "CrossFit" is eating a corndog while making yourself a milkshake. 

More fat folds means more places to hide snacks. 

Buff, sweaty men + you = erection time! 

You're quickly approaching the Guinness World Record for having the most chins. 

Gyms cost up to $15 a month.  And c'mon.  What are you: a millionaire?!? 

You JUST got the butt divot in the couch the right size.

 You figure that the guy who plays Grimace in the McDonald's commercials has to retire sometime. 

You won't pay a personal trainer to kick your butt for an hour . . . that privilege is reserved for your dominatrix. 

You feel wearing sweatpants 24 hours a day is, technically, close enough. 

You want a little extra weight on you for when food becomes scarce during the apocalypse. 

You're still looking for a gym that has a two-drink minimum. 

You're Russell Crowe's stunt double. 

Your toes are covered with moldy cheese and dried-up salsa, so you prefer being completely unable to see them. 

The same reason you don't do anything else:  you're a lazy bastard.

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