"The American Music Awards" aired last night on ABC. But you decided to pass. Here are The Top Reasons You Didn't Watch "The American Music Awards".
Anyone you honor one day could be outed as a sexual monster the next.
It's tough listening to millennials in slinky dresses and barely hidden drug problems screech about female empowerment.
If you want to "Imagine dragons," you'll have a little of what Seth Rogen is having.
Whenever you watch these music award shows, you're always nervous someone will accidentally step on Bruno Mars.
You only watch award shows that matter. So, you don't watch award shows.
Any award show that nominates The Chainsmokers and DJ Khaled should not be allowed to call itself "music" awards.
If you want to see someone who looks like Diana Ross on your TV screen, you'll watch "RuPaul's Drag Race".
You don't want your eyes anywhere near a place where there's even the slightest possibility that Drake will dance.
Ed Sheeran reminds you of that time you were groped by a Hobbit.
The only thing you're watching is an endless loop of Trump trying to drink from his water bottle.
You still don't know what the heck a "Despacito" is.
You're a dad, so you haven't heard any new music since Smash Mouth.
You hate Florida. And Georgia. And Lines.
You thought Ben Affleck might show up and ruin them the same way he ruined "Justice League".
As a Bernie Sanders supporter you just assumed the voting was rigged.
It's at the Microsoft Theater. And you're a Commodore 64 guy.