Joanna Angel knows a thing or two about on-camera sex. She’s a porn actress, director, and owner of Burning Angel, the industry’s leading purveyor of alternative punk porn. Turning people on is a job she takes “very seriously” and it drives her crazy to see sex on film done poorly. With that in mind, here are some of the greatest offenders as hand-picked by her.
- “The Shape of Water” (2017) – Yeah, the woman and the fish-thing have a connection, but it doesn’t translate to anything you’d wanna watch.
- “Secretary” (2002) – The spanking technique of James Spader was too still and left a great deal to be desired.
- “Showgirls” (1995) – “The lap dance scene’s embarrassing, and the pool sex scene’s even worse.” Has Elizabeth Berkely ever orgasmed before?
- “Body of Evidence” (1993) – “That sex scene with Madonna and candle-wax is uncomfortably bad.”
- “Fifty Shades Freed” (2018) – The ice cream sex scene is “weirder than any actual BDSM sex act” she’s ever seen. Why vanilla when there are so many other flavors of Ben & Jerry’s out there?
- “The Room” (2003) – Is he having sex with her belly button?
- “What Women Want” (2000) – Mel Gibson has “mind-blowing” sex with Marisa Tomei after his non-committal member gets a bathroom pep-talk from him.
- “Gigli” (2003) – Watching Jennifer Lopez “eat a turkey leg at Medieval Times would’ve been sexier than anything in this movie.”
- “Avatar” (2009) – “There’s better tentacle-porn out there…look it up!”
- “Bad Teacher” (2011) – The doggy-style dry-humping’s just funny. Maybe that was the point, but it’s not sexy.
- “Sausage Party” (2016) – Cartoon food sex just isn’t sexy, and that’s coming from someone who’s held a camera three-inches away from another person’s “balloon knot.”
Source: Men’s Health